Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
