hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
