She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
