we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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