I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
