Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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