R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
