it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
