I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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