you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
