My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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