xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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