i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
