So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
