She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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