Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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