This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
