My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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