i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
