ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
another moral hangover. fuck.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
