you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The best revenge is premature balding
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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