Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
