how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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