I think im going to throw up on grandma
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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