One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
