bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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