***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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