I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
