he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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