She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sober January is a disaster.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
