You work out of a Hotel?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I will be naked everywhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
