dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
