he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
