does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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