Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
