I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
