If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
