I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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