kristin has been a bad kristin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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