My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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