Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
