Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
