She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
