Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
