I have demons in me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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