u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
