Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
