we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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