TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
tell me about the eggs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
