In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's like a pop up book from hell.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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