There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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