im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
