I want you more than these girls want KFC
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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