Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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