so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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