the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
